There and Back Again
by silhouettedbythesea
Summary: Every time she even brought it up with Edward, she could see HIS face. She couldn’t do it, knowing what it would do to him. Even though it had been ages since she’d seen that face, heard the oh-so-contagious laughter, or felt his warm hand wrap around her
1. Chapter 1

_**Hello all! I am new to this fandom, and this is my first ever twilight fic...also my first fic that I dont intend to be a oneshot. So please be gentle! Um, Disclaimer: The characters, etc. belong to Stephenie Meyer. You know that. Also, I write Jacob/Bella. I'm on Team Jacob (but I'm no Edward-hater). if you aren't okay with that, I'm sorry, but don't take it out on me! I hope you enjoy! -Cantatedomino**_

_Return_. It was the he last human thought that he could salvage, pulling it up through two years of pure instinctual behavior, of inhumanity, of denial. He had denied his very race, his very being, even. And he had certainly denied his heart. And yet now, now he was considering going back? Slowing his pace, he dug deeply into his own mind, trying to bring back some essence of humanity, some rationale. Yet he could not. Perhaps he was not feeling human at all, and it was pure instinct telling him to return, even after two years had passed. The winter winds whipped at his nose, but his russet fur and natural body heat kept him warm and comfortable. He wandered through a forest, the name unknown to him, and tried to allow himself to actually feel. And perhaps hardest of all, he tried to allow himself to remember.

_A figure in a white dress, standing next to even whiter skin. Clasped hands. A lone tear. A russet wolf, watching from the forest. A priest in black. Two golden rings._

He could handle this. It had been hard- heartbreaking, actually, but it was tolerable. But then, oh but then, he made the worst mistake of his life. He miserably sank back into the fragmented memories which grew clearer by the minute.

_A window of an old, beautiful house presents a view of a magnificent bed. Two white figures. Skin on skin. Limbs intertwined. Ragged, harsh breathing. His name on her lips. His name on her lips. Everything was wrong. Her ruby red lips, so in contrast with her pale, pale skin, were whispering the name of the one who haunted him in his sleep. She was whispering the name of the one who could take the life out of her, so easily. She said it again, and again, as they grew more and more passionate on that ostentatious, sickeningly glamorous bed. "Edward." This was too much, he couldn't bear it, he had to hear his own name on her lips on the night of her wedding. The wedding which could have been, should have been his own. He felt the heartbreak full force now. He felt it rumble up from his chest, no, his heart, and he let it come out of his body with a wounded, heart-wrenching howl of pain. And she heard it. She heard it! She must have heard it for he could now hear his own name on her lips. "Jacob, oh Jacob, oh no…" Knowing that he had done all he could, and that he had proven that he had come, the shaggy red wolf turned and ran. A smooth canter, taking him who knows where, as long as it was away from this hateful town of Forks. _

Slowing to a halt, Jacob found himself under too much emotionalpain for an animal to bear. He phased back, for the first time in over two years, and began to cry. He cried for his own pain, he cried for the loss of his only love, his soulmate. He cried regret for ever going back that day, but most of all he cried for Bella. He cried for her life, he cried knowing that by now she was as good as dead, if not worse. He cried because she pursued a fate far worse than death. A broken, shattered, wisp of the happy-go-lucky soul he once was, Jacob Black curled up and cried.

Miles and miles away, Isabella Cullen awoke with a start. She had been running, running toward a massive shape which she could not recognize, or remember. Scowling and irritated, she wondered why she always remembered the dreams she wanted to forget, and forgot the dreams she yearned to remember. Sighing, she thought about the fact that she still slept. It had been two years since the wedding, but for some reason, she just couldn't follow through with being changed. Every time she even brought it up with Edward, she could see HIS face. She couldn't do it, knowing what it would do to him. Even though it had been ages since she'd seen that face, heard the oh-so-contagious laughter, or felt his warm hand wrap around hers…Something about what he had told her made her want to put off changing, at least long enough so that she could see him one more time. She had not discussed any of this with Edward, but it wasn't really a problem, as he was all too happy to comply with stalling the changing. He still believed that you lost your soul when you changed. She looked down at her bracelet which she hadn't taken off in over two years, and let herself fall into a slumping awkward position between the bed and the wall, and she thought about the last time she saw him, and more importantly, the last time she heard him.

_Edward had insisted they use the bed he had moved into his bedroom. She was honestly so anxious to have this one human experience, she didn't care if it was in the seat of her truck! He had carried her over the threshold in the traditional manner, and then proceeded to carry her all the way to the bed, and here Edward Cullen, for the first time, began to get carried away. Soon they were a tangle of limbs, and Bella simply could not get enough; she was elated. However, one thought lay wedged in the back of her mind. Emmett had been the best man that day. He was a good best man, and played the role well. He had always seemed like a brother to Bella. Still, she yearned for someone else's presence. though she knew he was far far away, and she knew it was her own fault, by her own doing, by her own choice. Shaking away these thoughts, she focused her attention on her groom, her lover. "Edward," she whispered. "Edward." Right as she remembered to enjoy the moment, and enjoy the sweet name coming from her lips, she heard it. His howl pierced through her like a poisoned arrow, throwing her body into shock and despair. "Jacob, oh Jacob, oh no…" Her soul mate, her best friend, her favorite mechanic, her love. He was hurt, and she was causing it. The mere knowledge of that split her in two. She had only heard that anguished howl once before, and she had prayed that she would never have to hear it again. Remembering her vow that Edward would never have to see her shed another tear for Jacob Black, Bella struggled to get off the bed, and immediately bolted. "Bella!" She could hear Edward calling out for her, but she would not stop. She flew out the door and into the forest, finally allowing the tears to come. She had done it. She had managed to destroy the one person who had been her rock, her sun, her LIFE, and who had only wanted to protect her from destroying herself. Sitting in the dark, in the rain, in the mud, she made a vow that Jacob's efforts would not be in vain. She knew she had broken him beyond repair, but she, for him, would not break herself. Not yet. "Some wedding night," she muttered under her breath._

Laying between the bed and the wall, slumped into the most awkward of positions, and not even caring enough to get up, Isabella Cullen, who secretly still thought of herself as Bella (regardless of what Edward loved to call her) began to cry.


	2. Chapter 2

It has been said that all roads lead to Rome. It has also been said that all roads will lead you home. After a certain point, the traveler will always return to home. The dreamer will one day awake. The wanderer grows weary of wandering. A secret piece of the human soul will always yearn for its childhood home, a place of memories and experiences, good and bad.

Jacob didn't know why he was returning, nor was he looking forward to it. He just couldn't resist that gravitational pull, that instinctual need to return. He knew that he couldn't return in wolf form, because he didn't want his pack brothers to know of his return. He couldn't bear to see their faces, twisted with pity, and perhaps revulsion of his wretched state. He couldn't bear to hear their thoughts, happiness that he was back safely, but mixed with pity which he loathed so much, and dubious thoughts regarding his own sanity. Oh, Jacob Black was quite sane. He was sure of it. But his brothers would never, could never understand the intensity of his pain.

Scowling, he continued to trudge his way through forest on two feet, wearing nothing, but still comfortably warm. As he walked, he tried to figure out what he would do when he got there. As he knew he could not stay in La Push, for fear of running into his pack, he pondered about staying at Charlie's. He assumed that the news of Bella's death would be quite old by now, and that the Cullens had quite likely moved on, especially if his brothers had any say in the matter. If Edward, or any of the Cullens bit Bella, than the pact would be broken, and they would have to leave. So Jacob could stay at Charlie's, and although Charlie was bound to call Billy the very moment that Jacob set foot on the doorstep, He could at least trust his father to be discreet and not tell the entire reservation of his homecoming! He plodded along, following his inner compass, which would always lead him home.

About a week later at a quarter until midnight a tall, slender figure tread up the path leading to the home of Charlie Swan. He was weary, he was starving, and he was clothed only in a pair of tattered shorts that he had procured from who knows where, but he was alive, and he was in Forks. He reached the door and knocked, somewhat timidly. He could hear the TV in the background, so he didn't think he'd be waking anyone up.

"Who is it?" came a gruff, familiar voice. Jacob froze. How the heck was he supposed to do this? He took a deep breath, dug deep into his very being, and pulled out the last ounces of charisma and charm that he had once possessed in such bountiful amounts.

"Uh, hey Charlie, it's me. Jacob." The door swung open. Charlie took one look at the son of his best friend, who was in turn the best friend of his own daughter. Jacob was filthy, emaciated, and obviously in a great deal of emotional pain, but he was alive, and that would do for now.

"Come in, son" Charlie said quietly, both concern and relief apparent in his voice, "Can I get anything for you?" Jacob had been expecting a much different response, and his expression betrayed his confusion because Charlie spoke again, and this time it became a monologue.

"There will be plenty of time for questions later, and you can be sure you'll be drowning in them. But right now you look like you need something to eat, and a good night's sleep. I'm afraid I don't have much in the kitchen, but I'm sure you can find something to fix up. Good Lord, boy, what happened to all of your clothing? Look, the bathroom is over there, second door on the right. Go clean yourself up, take a nice warm shower, and you can borrow some of my clothing for now, though it looks like they might be a bit on the small side. Will you ever quit growing, Jake? And anyways, once you've eaten and showered and changed, then you can sleep in Bella's room. Don't go sneaking away though, you hear? We've all been so worried, we didn't know where you were…well you're back now…so just…go clean up. Make yourself comfortable," He finished awkwardly, not so sure what to say to the boy he hadn't seen in two years. The boy with a haunted, hollow look in his eyes.

"Thank you Charlie…Thank you." And as Jacob Black hurried off to go eat and shower, Charlie hurried over to the phone. He had an important call to make to his friend Billy.

Safe in the confines of the shower, after eating four peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, Jacob let the hot water beat down upon his sore muscles, cleaning away the grime, and easing much of the tension. He was fairly certain that Charlie was calling Billy, informing him of the whereabouts of his only son, but he was also certain that he needn't face any questioning until the next day. Getting out of the shower, and changing into some of Charlie's pajamas (the hem reached mid-calf on him), Jacob prepared himself to enter the bedroom. Her bedroom. Bella's room.

He padded softly down the hall, informed Charlie (who jumped guiltily, hiding the phone behind his back) that he was going to bed, and then headed toward her room. Opening the door softly, he was welcomed by a whiff of her scent; the room had not changed at all. It even still smelled like her. Jacob's senses were attacked. Memories arose out of scents and sights, and Jacob nearly collapsed from the weight of them.

_Climbing through the window, determined to win her forgiveness, and to regain her trust. Her small hand in his. Hugging her right off the floor, so her toes barely brushed the floor and she could only mutter her weak protests into him. Promises made, broken, and renewed. Bella sitting up in bed, confused and bleary-eyed, but always beautiful. Beautiful? She had called him that once. Sort of beautiful…_

Shaking away the pain and the memories, Jacob reminded himself that she was gone. She was dead, or worse. Even if he saw her now, his instincts would tell him to hate her, to loathe everything about her, to be disgusted by her very scent. He couldn't handle that. He wanted to keep his memories loving. He wanted to keep the hand holding and the warm sodas. The motorcycles and the truck rides. He wanted to remember arguing with her over who was older, counting life skills into the mix. He couldn't bear to think that his own instincts could ever tell him to hate her, or what she had become. He hoped she was far away from here. Far, far away.

Curling up onto the bed, her bed, Jacob tried to relax into the pillows. He was surrounded in her scent, It was so comforting, and painful at the same time. His senses were playing tricks with his mind and heart. He fell into a fitful sleep, not knowing whether to be comforted or destroyed.

Jacob had been too lost in thoughts to notice that Charlie made a second phone call. He hadn't heard Charlie hang up the phone a second time after saying "I love you too sweetie, we'll see you tomorrow." If he had, perhaps he would have felt very differently about the day to come.

Not so far away, Isabella Cullen hung up a phone, her eyes bright with unshed tears of relief, of pain, of confusion, and of fear.


	3. Chapter 3

Bella, jittery and anxious, sat up at three in the morning, playing chess with her husband.

"Check and mate." Edward's golden eyes shone with mirth as he watched Bella try to figure out what had just happened. But behind his teasing grin, Edward was worried about Bella. Usually she was out like a light by one at the latest. Not only was she up much later than usual, but she also appeared to be shaky and anxious. He knew better than to push the matter, but it was times like this that he would give anything to know what she was thinking about, as it was clearly not the game of chess at hand.

"Wait, Edward, how did you _do_ that?" Bella had a helpless look on her face. Frustrated that she couldn't win at anything involving Edward, she gave up on the chess game entirely. This did not go unnoticed by Edward.

"Bella, what is it?" She sighed, not knowing whether or not to tell him anything. How could she? Her husband was the mortal enemy of the one person she needed so desperately to see. The one person who might just be able to help her with a decision she'd been grappling with for over 2 years. The one person who just happened to be at her father's house. How could she verbalize this to Edward?

"I just can't sleep, is all," she lied. Edward sighed, detecting the lie immediately. He might not be able to read her mind, but he at least could read her body. Bella was never one to hesitate before speaking, and Edward knew this well. Her lack of a filter and her determination to say whatever was on her mind had gotten her into trouble on more than one occasion. So as she hesitated now, Edward was certain that something was going on, and he didn't like it. He shot a sideways glance at Bella, who was fiddling with her bracelet, like she always did when she was thinking about Jac…that dog. Okay, so she's thinking about him again. Edward honestly hadn't expected Bella to pine over him for this long. He understood that he had been her best friend, and that she loved him. He understood that choosing him was the hardest thing Bella had ever had to do. He also had his own doubts that she had not made the right decision. He had been clear with her from the beginning that he was not good for her, and he had been adamantly against her becoming a vampire (at least she'd gained SOME sense and stopped pushing for him to change her!). But Bella hadn't seen the dog…Jacob…for years. He just assumed that time would have healed her by now. And what could have possibly happened to make her act so jumpy and apprehensive? After a moment or so of pondering, he decided that it would be best to drop the issue for the time being, and work on calming Bella down.

"My love, perhaps you should get some sleep? Come, my Isabella, let my lay here with you, and you can sleep" Edward reached his pale hand out to Bella, leading her to the bed. She shivered. Why were his hands (and the rest of him) always so cold? Usually she could bear it, but in the winter…well, he had taking to staying a fair distance away from her on these winter nights. She was tired of sleeping alone, and tired of always being so cold. She knew it was hard on Edward, not being able to be near her because of something he couldn't control. It frustrated him, being rendered incapable of keeping her warm. She knew this perfectly well, but she couldn't help it. She needed warmth. She shrugged away from his grasp.

"Edward, I'll be okay. I just can't sleep right now. I'll be fine. Just sit up with me for a while longer." Bella was practically twitching now, and Edward knew for sure that something was wrong. He just wished she would tell him what it was.

"Well, would you like me to make you some coffee? Or hot cocoa?" Edward added hopefully. The Cullens had become accustomed to having food around the house ever since Bella had moved in without being changed. Her survival needs were slightly different than the rest of the Cullens, and they were all too happy to cook for her at any time of the day. She usually preferred to cook for herself- it calmed her and was one thing that she could handle without nearly killing herself in the process- but cooking was a new and different activity for the Cullens, and they always enjoyed learning and testing new recipes on their one family member who could savor the tastes. Edward had become quite the connoisseur of hot drinks, and he liked to experiment with nutmeg, cinnamon, and other various spices which added a beautiful kick to the drink, according to Bella and sometimes Charlie, when he came over.

"Well, alright, I'll have some cocoa" Bella gave in, secretly excited to have a moment to herself (and a delicious hot liquid). Edward jumped up, glad to have something useful to do, and glided toward the kitchen.

Bella let her body relax as she sank lower into the cushions of Edward's rather ornate couch. _Jacob is back Jacob is back Jacob my Jacob I have to see him Jacob is back oh help oh Jacob oh no Edward what will he say Jacob is back _Try as she might, Bella could do nothing to silence her chaotic thoughts. She knew she had to see him, and she knew she couldn't keep this from Edward.

"Edward?" Bella's voice timidly rang out, causing Edward to freeze in the middle of adding cinnamon to Bella's cocoa. So she had decided to tell him what was bothering her. Wonderful.

"Yes, love?" Edward popped his head through the doorway, which was followed by the rest of him. He was holding a cup of hot liquid that smelled like heaven. Bella's breath caught in her chest. Why was he always so alluring? Fighting to break her eye contact with him, and grappling with how exactly she was going to tell Edward about her situation, Bella's voice came out in the weakest of whispers.

"He's back. Jacob." Edward's whole body stiffened. The mug of hot cocoa that Bella had been looking forward to sipping shattered, sending fragments of porcelain and hot liquid flying. Bella's eyes brimmed over with tears. Edward took notice of this immediately calmed himself down.

"Bella…Bella I'm sorry. I had no reason to lose control." He softly stroked her cheek with the back of his icy hand. "I know how much he means to you, and I cannot forbid you from seeing him." It pained him to say it. It pained him even knowing that the dog had come back. It pained him that Bella was even thinking about the dog. But he would be the bigger person. He knew how to play the game. Time to dazzle. He wrapped his arms around Bella, watching her cry. He rocked her, kissed her, held her until she fell asleep in his cold arms. He carried her to the bed and covered her with warm blankets. After watching her for a few moments, he decided to go for a run- he had to clear his mind.

As Edward went through the main living area of the Cullen house, Carlisle and Esme were there, having light conversation, and Rosalie was flipping through a magazine. Looking at him curiously, Edward only hissed, "The dog's back" before flying out of the house, leaving a rather worried and confused Esme, a concerned Carlisle, and Rosalie, her eyes shining with hope.

Bella tossed and turned for hours, dreading, fearing, and needing the morning to come. She knew tomorrow could possibly be deciding more than just the fate of a friendship. Tomorrow could be choosing between life and death. She slept poorly, haunted by twisted dreams of Jacob and Edward. Jacob calling for her, stretching out his beautiful warm hand, only to be abrubtly entombed in a cage of ice. Edward's magnificent smile, mocking him as he fought his way through it, fighting only for Bella. As Jacob finally managed to melt his way through the ice, Edward grew fangs, and he became the vampire of her nightmares; black cape, red eyes, sharp fangs-glistening with red blood. Wait, it wasn't just any blood, it was Jacob's blood. Jacob, lying on the floor in agony, in a pool of blood, weakly attempting to get up, but failing miserably. Edward hovered over the broken body of Jacob black, laughing maliciously before licking his lips.

Bella woke up screaming at nine in the morning, covered in sweat and tears. Edward was nowhere to be seen.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello All, here is the latest installment!**

**I would absolutely LOVE a few more reviews from you guys. I so appreciate the few that I've received, but they are a source of motivation for me, so if you take the time to let me know how I'm doing, I would love you forever! Enjoy this next chapter!**

A soft knock came from the other side of the door. Bella sat up, still shaking from her dream and realizing that the entire Cullen family had most likely heard her screaming who knows what.

"C-Come in." she sniffed. Rosalie opened the door and tentatively stepped in. She seemed hesitant, and yet walked with a grace that still awed Bella- she would never get used to Rosalie's beauty.

Rosalie sat softly on the side of the bed, the frilly bed which Edward insisted upon her using, and pulled Bella into a hug. Bella stiffened, as this was very unlike Rosalie, but she then realized that she needed the comfort and relaxed into the hug, burying her face in Rosalie's shoulder and sobbing.

Rosalie made awkward little murmurs of comfort as she stroked Bella's hair. She was out of her element and extremely uncomfortable, but she hated to see anyone this upset, and she knew that she had to talk to Bella anyways. She was going to try one more time.

"Shh, Bella, it is only a dream…why don't you tell me about it? It might help." Rosalie continued to make soothing noices that were now only sounding slightly unnatural.

Bella froze. How could she tell Rosalie that she dreamt about her brother turning into a stereotypical creature of the night and ripping Jacob's throat out? Considering this, she also knew that Rosalie would understand, more than anyone else could. Rosalie hated her fate, and hated the idea of Bella sharing that same horrible outcome. Bella swallowed. She knew she'd end up telling Rosalie eventually, so why not now? She took a deep breath.

"I dreamt….that-Edward-was-a-monster-and-got-Jacob-and-he-was-lying-there-bleeding-and-Edward-was-laughing-and-he-had-fangs-and-oh-Rosalie-it-was-horrible." Rosalie nodded her head, inwardly chuckling at the fact that her heightened sense of hearing was the only possible way that she could have even came close to understanding Bella's one breath explanation.

"You know what I'm going to say to you, Bella." Rosalie spoke with a calm tone, but there was a quality of urgency in her demeanor that would have been unrecognizable if not for the fact that Bella had lived with Rosalie for two years. Bella nodded mutely, before finding her tongue.

"You don't want me to change." It was a statement, and not a question. Bella still had her head on Rosalie's shoulder, and Rosalie's arm was still wrapped around Bella. She unwrapped her arm and put both hands on Bella's shoulders, sitting her upright.

"Look at me Bella. Look at me. I know that we're not the best of friends. I know that we don't have the best history, but hear me out. I care about what happens to you. I care. I've lived with you for two years, and I've watched you _change_. You've changed Bella, and it's beautiful. Have I changed from the very day you first saw me? No. I haven't. I can't. Bella, how could you even wish for something so precious to be taken away from you?"

Bella hung her head. She hated seeing Rosalie contemplating on her past. She always got this far away, pained look in her eyes, and Bella knew she was thinking about all that could have been Children, grandchildren, silver hair…Bella knew what she was thinking because she often pondered the same subjects. She could still see wisps of them, two black-haired children running toward the forest…

"Bella? Bella are you listening?" Rosalie's voice snapped Bella out of her trance.

"I'm sorry Rosalie….what was that? Rosalie sighed, becoming slightly impatient. How thick could the girl's skull be? She was trying so hard to get through to Bella, and it was wearing on her patience.

"Bella. Go back to Jacob. He needs you. You need him. And you can have a _life _with him, not this ghost, this echo of a life that we're all living in. That's all it really is, Bella, an echo. And I grow so tired of it."

The tears that had been threatening to spill over finally came. Bella broke down completely, sobbing so heavily she thought she had split in two. She sat there as broken as the Jacob in her dream. While her mind cried out for Edward, for the Cullens, and for the love that she harbored for him, a deeper part of her awoke, calling for Jacob. Her Jacob. She called for him in her heart.

Rosalie, awkwardly perched on the bed's very edge, stood up. She lightly patted Bella's arm, not sure of what to do.

"I know you'll make the right choice." She whispered, not as sure of herself as she seemed. With that, she lightly stepped out of the room, looking back only once, to see Bella's body racked with sobs. She closed the door behind her.

As Rosalie reached the living room, Esme shot her a questioning look. Rosalie nodded once.

"I'll miss her." Esme murmured, slowly shaking her head. Rosalie sighed.

"As will I, Esme. As will I." Rosalie and Esme sat back and listened to the obvious sounds of Bella scrambling out the window. They did not stop her, though they knew that Edward would not like this.

Jacob awoke in a panic, not sure of where he was, or even who he was. He had dreamed….had he? Yes, He had dreamed of her. Cold, picturesque body, void of a beating heart. Instead of summer morning dew, she smelled of death. Rust. Terror. She smelled like one of them. That's what she was, anyways. One of them.

He slowly took in all of his surroundings, and realized with a painful twinge in the pit of his stomach that he was in Bella's bed. In her room. In her house. Fantastic.

Rolling out of bed, he had to admit that it felt good to be clean again. He had grown accustomed to the months of filth in between showers, but whenever he was clean, he had to admit that he both looked and felt better.

Jacob glanced around the room, sorrowfully inhaling her scent, before pulling on an ancient pair of Charlie's cut offs that he had grabbed the night before. He supposed it was time to face Billy and Charlie.

He padded softly down the stairs, and immediately wished he hadn't. Charlie and Billy were sitting on the sofa, with the television _off_, waiting for him. Willing himself to carry on, he worked up a cautious smile and strode forward to greet his father.

"Good morning, Dad" he whispered. Billy looked directly at him. Wise, strong, Billy. Ever the father figure, the Alpha, regardless of his useless legs. Billy, wherever he went, commanded respect. Jacob trembled before him. Billy continued to hold Jacob's gaze, refusing to break eye contact. Jacob could only handle so much. Billy's intense gaze pierced through Jacob's very soul. He was utterly and despairingly transparent before his father.

"Jacob." Billy said, a hard edge to his voice. But the façade faded away as Billy's eyes crinkled up at the corners, and a slow smile spread across his face. "Welcome back, my son." Jacob rushed forward into his open, waiting arms. Kneeling at his father's side, Jacob fell apart.

Charlie felt as if he were invading a rather private moment. He stood up, red faced, and muttered something about fixing brunch while lumbering toward the kitchen. He was strongly reminded of the parable of the Prodigal Son. He absentmindedly wondered if Billy were familiar with the story. Ah well, regardless of whether he knew the story, he most certainly had a grasp on the lesson behind it. There was no question about it. Billy understood unconditional love.

Charlie flipped open the phone book, looking for Pizza Hut's number as he listened to the tears of Billy and Jacob Black.


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay! I know it's been months….but there's this thing called College…and it takes up the majority of my time! Anyways, I'm back. Don't give up on me! I haven't yet…. Please read and review!**

* * *

Edward was taking a walk. He was walking in the opposite direction of his house and his family, but he could still hear their thoughts. He could hear Rosalie telling _his _Isabella to go and put her life in the hands of a werewolf. To leave him. To leave her own husband. He could hear his own sister telling Isabella to leave him. He could hear Esme, his mother, resolve that Bella would leave, would make "the right decision". His brooding scowl deepened, and he knew that if his heart could still beat, its pulse would have quickened.

His pace broke effortlessly into a run. Running had always been soothing to Edward. They helped him clear his mind, and he usually quite enjoyed them. But not today. He knew that he was about to make a decision that would surely break him.

He could tell Bella was unhappy, he could tell that she would never truly be whole without the do-without Jacob. He knew from prior experience that she was never truly whole without himself, either. He also knew that he had to let her make whatever decision she made. Sighing deeply, he turned around. He needed to tell Bella that she could go if that was her decision.

* * *

"Isabella, my love…"

"Edward…I…I'm sorry. I love you. I need…I need you to know that" Bella was a wreck. A complete and total train wreck. Hair disheveled and wild, eyes bloodshot from hours of crying, runny nose and tattered heart, Bella looked at Edward with a mask of calm on her agonized face. She couldn't cry anymore. "I need him, and…and I need to have change in my life," She whispered, quoting Rosalie, who nodded from the corner in grim satisfaction and understanding.

"Go to him, Bella. If I cannot make you happy, and if he can, go to him. I would rather you be with him and happy, than be with me, soul-less and….and dead. " Edward smiled inwardly, in spite of himself, for his mask of calm was so much more believable than hers, even while his heart was breaking into a thousand more pieces. He closed his eyes briefly, the pain was excruciating. When he opened them, Bella's eyes met his agonizingly.

Bella looked into his eyes for a second that went beyond the ebb and flow of time, turned around in a kind of awkward half-pirouette, and dashed out of the house. She had already said her goodbyes.

The entire Cullen family edged toward the door, silently watching her go. Alice, who had an especially close bond with Bella, winced as she saw her future disappear. Jaspar was doing a good job of regulating the crazy emotions that ran tense and wild through the air, but it only slightly dulled the pain that Edward felt, watching Bella walk away. He felt a hand on either shoulder, and silently accepted Esme's and Carlisle's touch. Emmet put his arm around Rosalie's waist, silently reassuring her that she did nothing wrong. As they watched Bella reach her truck, Carlisle stepped forward and gracefully closed the door. As a family, the Cullens silently turned around and went back into the house.

* * *

Blindly, Bella walked toward her truck, letting the tears flow again. Her mind was full of a thousand doubts, a thousand regrets, and a thousand hopes. What if Jacob imprinted on someone else? What if Jacob didn't want her anymore? It's been two years, and they had both changed, she was certain. The mere fact that she was walking away from Edward was tearing apart that hole in her chest that had long since healed and scarred over. She hoped Jacob could mend it again. She hoped Jacob would be _willing _to mend it again.

As she was pulling in to Charlie's driveway, her pulse quickened as she realized she was going to see him again. Jacob, after two long years, she was going to see her best friend. She fumbled for a moment with the seatbelt, he numb hands anticipating the warmth of Jacob's. It had been so long since they were warmed by his touch.

The hole in Bella's chest was warning her that it would be much more painful later on, but Bella ignored it, or perhaps didn't notice in her present urgency to see Jacob. Finally achieving success with the seat belt buckle, she flung the door open and ran up the steps to the front door. Not bothering to knock, since she knew Charlie was expecting her, she wrenched open the front door and bounded in, creating a series of rather unfortunate events. As she ran through the door, she managed to successfully trip over the umbrella holder and fall. Throwing her hands out in front of her they managed to land on the "Welcome" mat, which sent her sliding like a toboggan four feet down the short hallway and straight into a pair of bare feet, which she noticed, were trembling.

_Just my luck_, she thought frantically, _graceful entries were never my forte…_

A pair of strong arms were suddenly around her waist, pulling her off the ground. Warm arms. And they felt so good. Looking up, Isabella Cullen met the disbelieving, wilderness-hardened eyes of Jacob Black. _My Jacob… _She melted into him and started sobbing all over again

"I'm sorry Jake I'm so so sorry I can't bear hurting you you're hurting you left you left me and never said goodbye and it's my fault but you're HERE and I need you so badly..I left him..I left him just now because of you and I need you and I'm sor-" She was cut off as her face was pressed into his bare shoulder. His hand was on the back of her head, holding her there. He was stroking her hair, as he always did, and he was warm. So warm. She just hoped he was warm enough to melt through two years of ice.

"Bells, honey... you're…you're you!" Jacob held her as tight as he dared.

All he could hear was her muffled sobbing, but he could smell her, _alive, she doesn't smell of death_, he could see her, _no leech is clumsy enough to fall through a door and skid five feet, not to mention bloodsuckers are too dead to cry_, and he could sense her, feel her. He felt the life running through her, he felt her heart beating its beautiful rhythm strongly against his chest. He gripped her tightly and closed his eyes, letting himself savor the moment, and praying to God that it wasn't a dream.

"I'm back Bella, I'm back and I'm here and it will be okay" He rubbed her back in big, slow, circular motions. He always knew how to calm her down. Letting out a huge, shuddery sigh, Jacob allowed himself this moment to let tears of relief flow, and they cried together. Bella wrapped her arms around Jacob's waist, comforting him in return. She has always attempted to ease his pain with her hugs. And it had almost always worked.

Time passed, and gradually, her sobs subsided, leaving only a stray hiccup or two. A knock at the doorframe made both Bella and Jacob jump. Looking up, they saw Charlie standing awkwardly at the door, pushing Billy in front of him.

"Erm, there's Pizza if you'd like some," he said.

Reluctantly, Jacob and Bella detached themselves from each other. Talking could wait. They had the whole day ahead of them. Standing up, they shuffled into the kitchen to get pizza, uncomfortably aware of the eyes of their fathers boring into the backs of their heads.


End file.
